Dave Ja Vu: Anew

Brain Freeze: The Answers To All Of Life's Questions

1) C. Waukegan, Illinois was the birthplace of yours truly. I was born in Great Lakes Naval Hospital and if you ask my mom, she'll tell you that the circumference of my head set a hospital record. Take that, Chicago area! My head is bigger than all of y'alls! Boo-ya!

2) A. Lincoln, Nebraska was Amy's birthplace. It's also the place Bill Callahan will forever refer to as "What The #^&* Ever".

3) C. Hastings was Jack's birthplace and after spending a couple hours in our own hospital here recently, I just have to say it was totes worth the drive. That's all I gots to say 'bout dat.

4) C. The County Spelling Bee. Yes, I was the spelling bee champ for 7 years in a row, then lost to my archrival my eighth grade year--when I would have been able to go to Omaha for Geekfest 1991. I'll post the column I wrote about that sometime soon.

5) D. Romper Room was blessed with Amy's presence when she was four years old. The show was actually founded in Lincoln, and Amy starred on it for a week after auditioning. She vaguely remembers Do-Bee and reaching into a bag of some sort to identify stuff in it. Yeah, I totally married a celebrity.

6) B. Jack sniffs in and out to show where his nose is. We didn't teach him that, he just figured it out on his own.

7) A. The Wauneta 'Breeze' will always and forever be my fave paper in all the world. For true.

8) B. Amy was a blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do back in the day and even coached some of my classmates. Her dad owned the school and she helped teach some of the students. Which pretty much means if you mess with me, my wife will beat you up.

9) C. Colson, Deni, Keyara, Makenna and Brooklyn are in Jack's entourage.

10) C. Hank came up with the name when I was having a hard time being creative at all in naming my column. I had almost settled on "Dave's Verbiage". Thanks, Hank, for saving me from that unimaginative name. I owe ya one! I'll name your next column is pretty much what I mean...

11) A. Amy has 24 cousins. Granny Janny called last night to inform me that my original answer of 22 was two short. I need to stop taking my guessing pills and start taking my counting pills!

12) A. Watching and cussing and discussing Husker Volleyball is our fave pastime. Last week's loss was beyond heartbreaking. And watching last night's semis was depressing and void of any excitement. Probably not as bad for us two as it is for the Nebraska fans who got tickets to the Final Four and were on TV last night watching in person four teams they don't give three turds about! Yowza.

13) D. Amy is a speech path.

14) B. Suchs lake totes doesn't suck!

15) C. Heidi, Joe, Sarah, Missy, Jared, Emily, Dan, Jake are the unkies and aunties--at least until those other Haags get hitched and add a couple more.

16) B. Amy loves her SBTB reruns. They tend to make me rethink my childhood. And Dustin Diamond makes me wanna backhand the television.

17) A. The momsies are now Granny Janny and Grammy Tami. That worked out pretty good, huh?

18) C. Jerry and Tami are the 'rents.

19) C. Van, Elaine, Don, Mary Lou, Cy, Bev, George, Edna are our grandparents' names.

20) D. Professor Dexter Beansprout is our dog's official name. And if he pees in my office again, I'll let someone else name him...probably whoever adopts him from the Humane Society. Not kidding at all on that one.

BONUSES:

A&D. Our fish names were Nugget McSnuggles and Spanky Bojangles.

Spanky committed aquatic suicide four years ago. He leapt from his tank and was later found on the floor when we returned from work. Oh, the humanity!

The underside of Amy's trailer was inhabited by a family (or two or three) of snakes. She would get out of her car, gather her courage and race for the steps. I saw two of them the few times I was at her house. Heebs...

We're totally backing Barack Obama and have been since 2004 when he spoke at the Democratic National Convention and made us bawl. We are hoping to maybe see him when we're in Des Moines next week. That would pretty much make my year if we did. Heck, it would make my decade!

B. Sesame Street Live: Elmo Grows Up is going to be a blast! Jack is going to enjoy it just as much as we will! Okay, maybe not as much as we will. We're excited!