Popular Jacks Through The Ages

Jack Parker

Cuteness Level: 10

Fun Factor: 10

Sweetness Quotient: 10

Huggability Level: 10

Smartness Score: 10

Total Score: A perfect 50

Highway Jack Knife

Cuteness Level: 0 (not at all cute actually, unless you're a lawyer)
Fun Factor: 10 -depending on how you look at it...
Sweetness Quotient: 0
Huggability Level: 0 (if you count hugging the ground afterward, then I'll give it a 1)
Smartness Score: 0
Total Score: 10

Jack Daniels Sour Mash Tennessee Whiskey

Cuteness Level: 0 (have you ever seen someone after they've drunk this junk?)
Fun Factor: 10
Sweetness Quotient: 3 (refer to cuteness level)
Huggability Level: 11 (yeah, 10 just doesn't do it justice)
Smartness Score: -10
Total Score: 14

Jack Bauer, Fox's "24"
Cuteness Level: 4 tops
Fun Factor: 10 (he does have some pretty wild times)
Sweetness Quotient: 0 (Kiefer Sutherland is neither sweet nor huggable)
Huggability Level: 0 (see above)
Smartness Score: 10 (he's a genius)
Total Score: 24 (coincidence?)

Jack White of The White Stripes
Cuteness Level: 1 (unless you're into Creepy McCreepersons)
Fun Factor: 10 (his music is good)
Sweetness Quotient: 3 (kinda lame personality)
Huggability Level: 2 (go ahead! I'm not gonna!)
Smartness Score: 10
Total Score: 26

Jack In The Box

Cuteness Level: 4 (unless you're turning the lever, then it's -4)
Fun Factor: 6 at very best
Sweetness Quotient: 1 (kinda mean really)
Huggability Level: 0
Smartness Score: 7
Total Score: 18

Captain Jack Sparrow

Cuteness Level: 10 (not according to me; I'd give him a .5)
Fun Factor: 10
Sweetness Quotient: 5
Huggability Level: -3
Smartness Score: -6

Total Score: 16

Jack Of Diamonds

Cuteness Level: 0
Fun Factor: 10 (Slap Jack is fun!)
Sweetness Quotient: 0
Huggability Level: 0
Smartness Score: 10 (depending on whether you play it or someone else does)
Total Score: 20

Jack Sprat
Cuteness Level: 0
Fun Factor: 0
Sweetness Quotient: 10 (he and his wife obvs. have an agreement on what to eat...)
Huggability Level: 2 (ehhh...)
Smartness Score: 1 (if he were avoiding carbs, I'd give him another point)
Total Score: 13

Jack And The Beanstalk

Cuteness Level: 6
Fun Factor: 10 (what a magical adventure!)
Sweetness Quotient: 10
Huggability Level: 7
Smartness Score: 0 (The kid trades a cow for magic beans then climbs a beanstalk into the clouds. Idiot!)
Total Score: 33

Airplane Hi-Jack
Cuteness Level: 0
Fun Factor: 0
Sweetness Quotient: 0
Huggability Level: 0
Smartness Score: 0
Total Score: 0 (self explanatory really)

Jack From "Lost"

Cuteness Level: 10
Fun Factor: 0 (stranded on a creepy island; not fun!)
Sweetness Quotient: 10 (pretty nice guy overall)
Huggability Level: 10 (seems huggable from what we've seen so far!)
Smartness Score: 10 (he's a doctor)
Total Score: 40 (pretty good)

Jack from the game jacks
Cuteness Level: 0 (kinda jagged)
Fun Factor: 8
Sweetness Quotient: 0
Huggability Level: 0 (ouch)
Smartness Score: 10 (you do have to have talent to pick them up)
Total Score: 18
Jack Be Nimble

Cuteness Level: 4
Fun Factor: 7 (deducting three points for level of difficulty)
Sweetness Quotient: unknown, estimated at 3
Huggability Level: that outfit puts him at 2
Smartness Score: 3 (how are you going to get noticed by jumping over a candlestick?)
Total Score: 19

Jack Skellington
Cuteness Level: 2
Fun Factor: 10 (that movie was fun)
Sweetness Quotient: 6
Huggability Level: Yikes!
Smartness Score: 6
Total Score: 24
Jack McFarland
Cuteness Level: 6 (and funny as heck)
Fun Factor: 10
Sweetness Quotient: 4 (kind of a self-centered jerk)
Huggability Level: 8 (seems huggable)
Smartness Score: 2.1
Total Score: 30.1
Jack A Lope
Cuteness Level: 2 (it's the antlers)
Fun Factor: 8
Sweetness Quotient: 7 (looks kinda Evil McPsycho)
Huggability Level: 2 (those antlers would hurt)

Smartness Score: 7
Total Score: 22

Jack Black

Cuteness Level: 4
Fun Factor: 15
Sweetness Quotient: 9

Huggability Level: 6
Smartness Score: 5 (he would have been at a 10 without "Nacho Libre"
Total Score: 39

Jack Frost

Cuteness Level: 2
Fun Factor: 10 (snow angels, sledding, ice skating...fun!)
Sweetness Quotient: 4
Huggability Level: 0 (brrr...as frigid as Ann Coulter)
Smartness Score: unknown
Total Score: 16

Jill's Brother Jack
Cuteness Level: 6 (I love coloring!)
Fun Factor: 0
Sweetness Quotient: 10 (going up the hill to fetch water? atta boy!)
Huggability Level: 5
Smartness Score: 0 ('specially AFTER he broke his crown!)

Total Score: 21

Jack Lemmon
Cuteness Level: 8 (especially since Walter Matthau is a -8)
Fun Factor: 8

Sweetness Quotient: 0 (going by "Grumpy Old Men" alone obvs.)
Huggability Level: 8
Smartness Score: 9

Total Score: 33

Jack O' Lantern
Cuteness Level: 10
Fun Factor: 10
Sweetness Quotient: 10 (when made into pumpkin pie of course)
Huggability Level: 0 (who hugs pumpkins?)
Smartness Score: 0 (no brains)
Total Score: 30

Jack Russell Terrier
Cuteness Level: 9
Fun Factor: 9
Sweetness Quotient: 10
Huggability Level: 9
Smartness Score: 10
Total Score: 47 (so close!)

"Jumpin' Jack Flash"
Cuteness Level: 2
Fun Factor: 10 (good music)
Sweetness Quotient: 2
Huggability Level: uh...can you say Keith Richards?...1
Smartness Score: 10 (not deducting for years of drug abuse obviously)
Total Score: 25Jack Kennedy (JFK)
Cuteness Level: 10
Fun Factor: 8 (he worked an awful lot)
Sweetness Quotient: 0 (cheated on Jackie with Marilyn)

Huggability Level: 10
Smartness Score: 10 (very smart man)
Total Score: 38

Scissors Jack
Cuteness Level: 0
Fun Factor: 0
Sweetness Quotient: 0
Huggability Level: 0
Smartness Score: 10 (quite handy)
Total Score: 10
Union Jack

Cuteness Level: 3
Fun Factor: 7 (Brits do have fun!)
Sweetness Quotient: 6
Huggability Level: 10
Smartness Score: 10 (I'm overcompensating them for the accents, aren't I?)
Total Score: 36

Jack Nicholson
Cuteness Level: 3 (eek); -3 in this picture
Fun Factor: 10 (Jack is a fun actor)
Sweetness Quotient: 5 (have you seen "The Shining?"
Huggability Level: 7 (ewww...)
Smartness Score: 10
Total Score: 29 at best

"Hit The Road Jack"

Cuteness Level: 8 (cute song)
Fun Factor: 10 (quite swinging actually)
Sweetness Quotient: 2 (kinda mean song really)
Huggability Level: 1 ("dontcha come back no more?" so rude!)
Smartness Score: 10
Total Score: 31

So, I think we've presented overwhelming evidence here that our Jack is the best Jack ever!